I like dogs. Not enough to own one (when they breed one that uses a litterbox, I’ll consider it), but I love the idea of the faithful, shaggy-haired companion who greets me with a joyful bark, plays with the kids in the backyard, and protects the house by shooting bees out of its mouth.
So I was pleased to hear when Notch added dogs to Minecraft. Okay, not dogs exactly. They’re wolves, but if you feed one of them bones (which you get from killing skeletons, of course), there’s a chance it becomes domesticated. Hearts appear above its head, and a red collar appears around its neck.
It’s a wolf with a collar. That barks when it sees you. That, my friends, is a dog.
I was tickled when I domesticated my first wolf. He followed me around, and I fed him pork. He kept me company while I worked on my bridge over the river project – though that might have been because he couldn’t navigate the stairs to get down. I began to regard the creature as “he” and definitely a dog. I didn’t name him, but whenever I talked to him (don’t judge me!), I referred to him as “buddy.” So I guess that was his name.
The bridge was finally done. I strode down the far side onto the newly-claimed island, Buddy at my side, and despaired at how thickly forested it was. A skeleton or zombie could spend all day in the shade of all those trees, and a creeper could be lurking around any one of the dozens of trunks. I pulled out my axe with a sigh and got to work, but the sun was setting and I really just wanted to be finished.
And then I remembered the flint and steel in my inventory. Why chop down a forest when you can burn it down?
Foosh! The first tree went up. Foosh! Foosh! Two more. I smiled at the thought of watching the forest burn through the night: me and my dog, safe on the bridge, the virtual heat from the flames on our faces as the fire licks up at the sky.
“Come on, Buddy,” I said to the computer screen as I looked around for my red-collared companion.
I didn’t see him, but did hear his yelp of pain.
Was he… No… He’s not…
But he was. On fire. Standing under the burning trees, his fur in flames, yelping and whining as his hit points burned away.
I considered trying to put the fire out. But hitting him (which is how you put fires out) would only hurt him further. Could I shove him into the water? Maybe. But there were trees between here and the river, burning trees, and —
Buddy gave one last yelp, then vanished in a puff of smoke.
“Stupid dog,” I muttered.
I put up a sign at the foot of the bridge, dedicating it as a memorial to a dog too stupid to not go into the fire.
I think I’m done domesticating Minecraft wolves for now. It’s a great mechanic, but I just can’t take the drama.
